Sleepless Nights

Yep, another sleepless night. I feel like my sleep schedule is about opposite of Jason's now. Gotta love having no life or job, right? I'm pretty sure if I were in my own home, well OUR own home I would be LOVING this. Ultimately I would really like to be a stay at home wife/mom, but that's a bit hard when you don't have a home. I was going to give a call to some apartments today, but they are too far for where he is looking for work. I know I need to be looking at the bright side to this but I'm having trouble seeing it. I mean, we have no stable living, I have no stable work, we have our own relationship problems and it's getting hard to look for the bright side to this! I'm just praying he gets this new job so that we can find a place of our own and I can find some work. This not working thing is driving me crazy. I don't like having to depend on everyone else to support me. I know I'm only 17, but COME ON! I have been taking care of myself for the most part for about a year and a half now...up until recently when I quit BOTH of my jobs to make my guy happy?
I just don't see how this situation is making anyone happy. I feel unwanted no matter where I go. I like to be at my parents house but at the same time I can't stand their smoking habit and they get mad whenever I say anything and I feel like a burden because of it. We have other issues elsewhere, but those are better left unsaid. Maybe a lot of things I'm saying are better left unsaid, ya know? No, I would be losing it if I had to keep everything bottled up. I'm out of people to talk to as well it seems like. My best friend is married, pregnant and has a place of her own with her husband and doesn't seem to care about my little problems. My other good friend just bought a house and really doesn't understand this situation. I'm sick of being broke. I'm sick of being trapped. I can't take it.
I'm really praying that within a few weeks Jason will know where he is going to be working, whether he continues where he is or if he is switching to a new place. I'm not much of a 'gray' type area person, black or white. Where will we be? Will I be able to find work? Why am I asking YOU these questions? Regardless, I suppose life isn't all bad. I mean, I did work my butt off with all the jobs I have had and now maybe this is God's way of blessing me with a break? That is a definite maybe, but then again I think God knows me well enough to know that I'm no good at sitting around being useless and he is planning something big! A girl can only hope, right?
Today, I have been going through some of the baby section on Pinterest. Part of be gets excited about the thought of having children. But the other part of me dies a little inside. I know how much I want children and with my medical condition that may never happen for me. I pray I will one day get to experience a pregnancy, even if it's just one. I want to be able to say I was blessed to give birth to a child. Blessed enough to bring another beautiful soul into the world. *Note: This is not something I am wanting for right now, this is a hope for my future with my Husband.
I suppose I had better cuddle up next to my loving man for a few hours of sleep, huh? Alright, Goodnight all :)